Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's the Final Countdown

Things have been a little quiet over here in Young and Hip-land. Part of the reason for this radio silence is that I'm working full-time while doing an internship while traveling for work while trying to write another novel while attempting to have one of those so-called "social lives" I've heard so much about while trying to give the cat the amount of attention she requires so that she will not destroy my shit while trying to coordinate my move back to Vancouver while....while..... drinking a lot of coffee. A lot of coffee.

The other reason, however, is that there's been very little to write about. All of the changes in my hip have been incremental and I wasn't about to subject anyone to a post on my newfound ability to lift my leg a fraction of an inch higher than I could before thus enabling me to wash my left foot for the first time in months. (Though I did privately celebrate this milestone). I'm still walking like a drunken extra in "Night of the Living Dead." Rolling over in my sleep on to the place where my gluteus medius is detached still hurts enough to make me dream that someone has sliced my hip open and I'm staggering around bleeding and being like 'damn, I should get me to a hospital.' My hip still clunks and shifts to a degree that often makes me cry out in surprise, (not in pain, really, just surprise), which I'm pretty sure has led people to believe that I have Tourette's Syndrome.

Today, however, I have news the report. I finally got my surgery date. On June 24th, I will go back under the knife to get my ass put back on, my leg length raised and possibly get a brand spankin' new socket. This means that I've got about 6 or 7 weeks left to live in America. This is good news on the "getting my ass put back on" front, but you don't need a weatherman to know that there's a weather system called Hurricane Getting-Deported-And-Operated-On-In-The-Same-Week on the horizon. You know what's not a great way to get your new life off on the right foot? Spending the first few months of it in bed eating frozen grapes and rubbing BioOil on your various scars. (That's also probably a bad way to start a E-Harmony profile. Note to self).

It's interesting to note the weird cyclical-ness (that's not a word) of this surgery. My first hip replacement was on June 23rd 2009. My second surgery will be on June 24th, 2010. Here's hoping this will be the last deja vu I'll experience, since I swear to God that if I wake up from this surgery saying, "Hey, shouldn't I be able to move this leg?" I will literally start shanking bitches with my IV needle.


  1. Du du du duu, du-du-du-duu! ("Final Countdown," yeah? By Europe) Hope you're going to tease your hair and wear some shiny lipgloss ;)

  2. Hello!
    I just found your blog while researching Hip Replacements on young people. I'm 21 and I also need a hip replacement. I fractured my hip 2 years ago and unfortunately now I have avascular necrosis of the femoral head. Many doctors don't want me to have the surgery but it is very hard to live like this. I hate the way I walk and specially that I can't do all the things I like -like running, dancing, walking, exercising. Hopefully I'll find a doctor that will do it and it'll go well. Hope yours does too. Good luck!

  3. Hi Andrea. I'm sorry to hear you ended up with AVN and that it's changing the way you have to do activities. It's a tough call knowing when to get a hip replacement, since on one hand it means the end of doing things you might have loved (like running), but on the other hand it means freedom from pain (in theory). My case was pretty extreme (I had my first hip replacement last June and I'll get my second nearly a year to the day as my last one), but I hope yours goes well! If you have any other hip-replacement questions, let me know.