In a few weeks, I am going to be the Maid of Honour at my best friend's wedding. This is, of course, very exciting, but the hip replacement is providing an unexpected twist in wedding decor. I was planning on walking down the aisle unassisted (au naturale?), but based on the way things are developing, it looks like I'll be escorted by my Airgo Comfort-Plus super-deluxe cane.
I have the following questions. What the hell do you do with a cane when you're walking down the aisle? Do you decorate it as you would a ring-bearer's pillow? Put a little corsage on it and a bow? Do you spray-paint it to match your dress, the way people dye their shoes? And, if you try to make it blend in with the decor/ colour scheme, would you only succeed in making it look as if you're about to perform a little tap-dance "cane and hat" routine and at any moment will launch into "Ragtime Gal" like that dancing frog on the Warner Brothers cartoons? Would it be better to walk normally with a cane or Igor-walk it down the aisle unassisted? All of these are vital questions.
Then, there's the issue of the sound. I have never been able to make a cane/ crutch not emit a rattling/ tapping sound whenever I walk. I am so hard on medical equipment that after the first few weeks, I have done so much damage to the poor cane/ crutch that it rattles for the rest of its life (until it meets an untimely end being run over by a truck...but that is a story for a different post). My fear is that my poor friend will walk down the aisle to the lovely strains of "Here comes the (CLUNK!) Here comes the (CLUNK!!)." At least the organist/harpist/whatever will have a metronome.
Ideas? Suggestions? Where's theknot.com when you need it?