Friday, September 18, 2009

Can I Blame This on My Hip?

Devoted fans of this blog (read: my mom) might be led to think that most of the ridiculousness of my life is hip-related. Incorrect! Before the hip replacement, I was perfectly capable of filling my days with chaos and insanity. The hip has just added an extra level of weirdness. Case in point: last night, at S.'s rehearsal dinner. Since the parking garage I had my car parked in closed at 10:30 (I thought), I left the dinner early with two British friends of S and A's; (we had bonded after being placed at the misfits table). After finally finding the parking garage, (which is a feat, given my stunning navigational prowess), I was surprised to learn that the garage actually closed at 10 and my car was locked inside. 

I therefore gave the two Brits an intimate tour of downtown Vancouver parking garages, as we broke into a construction zone and climbed over unpoured concrete, boards, rebar and mice (clearly, a hip-safe activity) in an effort to sneak into the garage and retrieve my car. We finally succeeded in this effort a few minutes before the security guard drove up to charge us $35 for releasing us and the poor Brits got a taste of the bottomless fury of Canadian security guards as they ran interference for me. (Thanks D & L!). I then gave them a taste of Cracktown Central as we drove home along East Hastings at night, (the area that my beloved Dan Bejar has referred to as a "fucked up Mardi Gras," which is one of the most accurate descriptions I've read of East Hastings). I finished up the evening by being unable to locate the address of where they were staying, resulting in us having to wake up the friend they were staying with to get directions. 

Alas, none of this I can blame on my hip, though I was planning on pulling the "I was too disabled to walk quickly and didn't get back to the garage in time" cripple card if I'd had to talk to the security guard. 

Next up, I will direct my particular brand of crazy to S & A's wedding. If I don't post for a few days it's because my trip down the aisle has gone terribly wrong and I've become a viral video on YouTube. Just do a search for "wedding" + "girl who accidentally smacked someone in the face with her cane while she was trying to be a bridesmaid" and I'm sure you'll find me.


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