Sunday, September 20, 2009

Going to the Chapel and We're Going to Make It To the Altar Without Becoming a Youtube Sensation!

If you do a search on youtube for "bridesmaid disasters" and "poor disabled girl does faceplant on the aisle and winds up with her dress over her head while a hundred people point and laugh," you will be disappointed because guess what? A videoclip of me won't be there. That's right, I made it through my maid of honour duties and fulfilled my wedding objective of not becoming a viral video on Youtube! Finally, my dignity can declare a minor victory over the forces of soul-crushing embarrassment! Here are some of my other wedding-related sucesses:

a) Not winding up in the hospital for any hip-related misfortune (and I even did the twist...kind of). Is it sad when your main objective when going out for the evening is to not screw up your body so badly that you need to undergo major surgery?
b) Not screwing up the poems I was reading by stumbling, burping, making any Freudian slips, throwing up, crying, choking, having the kleenex I'd stuffed down the front of my dress fall out, etc. etc.
c) Not getting hammered and winding up having a tawdry sexual encounter with one of the groomsmen in the handicapped bathroom. (Mostly because, you know, I wasn't asked...and because the drinks were $8 each...).
d) Not nearly concussing anyone while hugging them.
e) Getting through my speech even after a few Johnny Walkers (thanks J. and dad!) and making it through the night without reaching the "I'm so drunk. I'm SO drunk. I'm so DRUNK" stage of intoxication, which for me is after about two drinks because I am a lightweight.
f) Achieving the first post-surgical slow dance and, again, not concussing anyone.

For the past few months, I've been working extra hard at physio trying to walk normally enough to walk down the aisle without my cane. Alas, that goal ended up being one more thing that is apparently not in my Freaky Cyborg Hip's contract (I really should have read the fine-print before I hired this hip). Everything turned out just dandy, though, because on the way back down the aisle, the best man pulled out a cane and a top hat (and also had a feather boa for me) and we danced down the aisle together. It was a sweet way to make me look a little less freak-of-nature-y and J. gets an A+ for creativity and general awesomeness.

So, that was it. The wedding was beautiful. S. looked absolutely gorgeous. The food was so fantastic that I nearly threw up after eating 8 different desserts; (it had to be done). I had a great time. It is a little sad, though, that the wedding is over after all of this planning and anticipation. Now that my 10 Days of Wedding Insanity are over, I'm going to have to find something else to look forward to. And since it doesn't look like "walking normally enough to return to Champaign" will be looming on the horizon any time soon, I am on the hunt for new forms of distraction. Ok, someone needs to get engaged/married/pregnant so I have something to look forward to. Take one for the team, people!

Here are some photos of me walking (well, ok, "walking" is maybe a bit too optimistic a term) and dancing ("dancing" is definitely too optimistic a term) down the aisle.

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